Welcome back to our comedic crusade against the siren call of DIY website platforms like Wix and Squarespace. If you thought Part One was a hoot, strap in, because we’re about to dive deeper into the rabbit hole of digital despair.

1. The ‘Custom’ Conundrum

So you want to be a digital Demi-God, crafting a cyber sanctuary that screams ‘you’? Good luck! These platforms offer ‘custom’ designs like a fast-food joint offers gourmet – sure, you can pick the toppings, but in the end, it’s all the same greasy burger. You’re just another face in the crowd, and honey, your face deserves to stand out.

2. The Tech-Support Tangle

Need help? Prepare for the labyrinth of customer service, where ’24/7 support’ is as reassuring as a chocolate fireguard. You’ll find yourself in a maze of ‘helpful’ articles, like being handed a map to Narnia when you just want to know why your site’s acting up.

3. The Up-Selling Uproar

These platforms have more upsells than a used car salesman with a quota to meet. Want more pages? That’ll cost ya. E-commerce? Ka-ching. Before you know it, you’re forking out more dosh than a tourist at a souvenir shop.

4. The Mobile Muddle

Sure, your site looks spiffy on desktop, but open it on mobile, and it’s like watching a penguin try to tap dance. Clunky, awkward, and liable to fall flat on its face. In a world where your nan’s on her smartphone, mobile-friendliness isn’t just nice, it’s necessary.

5. The Update Abyss

Remember that time you updated your site, and it went smoother than a jazz club on a Saturday night? Me neither. Updates on these platforms can turn your site into a digital Picasso – and not in a good way. Things shift, features break, and your once-stylish layout looks like it partied too hard in the ’90s.

6. The Template Temptation

Templates seem as tempting as a sweet shop to a kid. But remember, every kid in town has the same idea. Use their templates, and your site will be as distinctive as a sheep in a flock – just another baa in the chorus.

So, my fellow web warriors, beware the beguiling lures of Wix and Squarespace. They promise a stroll through a digital park, but you may just find yourself lost in the woods. Stick around for Part Three, where we will give you the final nudge to ditch the DIY disaster and go pro